5 Things I’ve learned by age 20

The mindset that earned me straight A’s

This last year life has shown me just how incredible it can be. There’s so much I’ve learned and so many memories but one that sticks to me most is a line that a senior civilian officer once asked me a few years ago during a meeting- “What are you in control of?”. I’ve put this question in mind whenever dealing with a challenging circumstance and have realized that anything is possible if you’ve got the right mindset. I realized there are many things that we are in control of despite whatever. It’s just the matter of spending time with yourself to figure it all out. So here are some helpful tips/suggestions I have to share with you:

1. Never forget where you come from. Your family, your parents, your teachers, your elementary school, high school, your childhood hobbies, the people who made you into you are the ones who truly matter. Too often teens and adults get caught up with a circle of people who really don’t have the right intentions or are simply bad influences. College is a time to test how true you are to yourself and the people who helped you. Don’t let yourself or these people down.
2. Never change yourself to please someone else because you will get hurt. This is such a cliche saying, but it’s dead on true. It’s so common for college students to want to be accepted and there’s nothing wrong with that! It’s normal. When I was first told this lesson, I thought of it but didn’t really understand the logic. What if changing yourself will make him/her think you are more adaptable? What if it would make you “cool” enough to hang around with his/her friend circle? These are common reasons why people try to change, but I’ll explain why it’s not only harmful but also not so smart. If you need to change to please someone, they don’t like you the way you are. They won’t like you no matter how hard you try and they won’t respect you. You will lose your sense of self and nothing good will come out of it. Being a great student means being a great thinker. The way you treat yourself will affect your ability to be the great thinker you are meant to be. So don’t let these thoughts flock your head. Think about cool stuff… like you know… hyperboloids or that gene replacement lab you did last friday!
3. People may not believe in you, but don’t ever doubt your own capabilities. People are always throwing out judgments. Nice people, malicious people, smart people, normal people- they all can do it. It’s just human nature. Don’t let those judgements get to you. If they do, they will change you for the worse and you will start to be what you think. You are what you think. So don’t judge others and do not EVER care if others judge you. Just know that most people pass judgements because they aren’t satisfied with their own lives, and putting others down (especially those who do achieve more than them) is the easiest way to raise their self- esteem. It’s twisted and pathetic, so why bother? They aren’t good influences, have nothing to offer you, and you definitely don’t want to be one of them. So be smart and take the high road.
4. Don’t do drugs and don’t be a party animal. This is another cliche, but I cannot express how much harm these will do to every part of your life. Countless brilliant, beautiful, ambitious students are destroyed because they are slaves to their own bad habits. It’s fine to have a good time sometimes, but keep partying at the bare minimum. The best thing is to completely avoid it so you aren't even exposed to the creeps and slackers who often show up to most college parties. Sometimes you’ll get lonely and will be really tempted to see what’s up frat row or an apartment where you hear some loud, cool music, but you need to fight the urge. If you are a girl, I hate to break it to you but it’s just not safe or smart anymore to go out on such occasions. I know that’s pretty horrible for me to say but I’ll explain. If you’ve got a bioethics exam in 3 days, a philosophy essay due tomorrow at noon, and physics lab hours to go to and you go out only to come back crying & drunk because your drunk girl friends ditched you (which is all too common) and some creep disrespected you after you rejected his advances so now every guy he knows is calling you a “hoe”, do you really think your going to get your work done AND do an excellent job? Nope. Forget it. So choose wisely. This leads to the next tip:
5. Plan ahead and know what you are getting into. Scientists believe as we shift from childhood to adulthood our brain becomes more capable of storing long term plans. Try to have an idea of who you want to be in the next 5 years or 10 years and work towards those goals. Use a daily planner. This is especially helpful if you are dealing with sensitive issues such as ADD/ADHD, depression, anxiety, or tend to be forgetful.

So there we go — that’s my top 5 tips on how to gain back better control over life. Keep strong and keep focused!